Letting Go
by simplegenius1121
Summary: Beckett finds something shocking about Castle's past that she never knew. Will he learn to let go of what once was and focus on the future?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Castle... **

**Authors Note: This chapter is from Beckett's POV.**

I was sitting at my desk in the Precinct. It was too early for me to expect anyone to come, so I was bare foot and dressed in jeans and a white, knitted sweater with my hair hanging loosely at my shoulders.

It was September eleventh, the ten year anniversary of nine-eleven, so, out of pure curiosity, I was looking through everything about the nine-eleven case that I could access until a name caught my attention.

Special Agent Carrie Rogers, Secret Service.

Born: May 1st, 1979

Died: September 11th, 2001

Known Family: Richard Rogers. Married on July 31st, 2000.

When I read her husbands name, I pulled up his file. While it loaded, I took a sip of coffee and did a spit take when his file loaded and his picture came up.

Castle.

Richard Freaking Castle.

I looked up when the elevator dinged and the doors opened to see Castle walk out. From the distance between us, from my desk to the elevator, I could see that his eyes were red and puffy from crying.

I could see him pull a picture out of his walled and stare at it for a long time. That was when I realized that this must have been really hard on him when I thought of how I lost my mother.

But this.

This was his _wife_!

I got up and quietly walked over to him as he sniffled and put the photo back in his wallet before looking up to see me standing in front of him.

"How long have you been here?" He asked me.

"Long enough." I replied. "Rick, I'm _so_ sorry!"

He sighed; "There is nothing I could have done to change it. It would have happened anyway, Kate."

It broke my heart when I saw a tear slowly make its way down his face. I reached up and gently brushed it off before pulling him into a hug.

"Hey, it's alright. I'm here." I soothed. "I'm here and I am not going anywhere."

He nodded.

I looked at him, to make sure he was alright. I nervously gulped when I realized that he was looking at me, and slowly, very slowly, pulled me closer. Then, he leaned in and kissed me.

It was our first kiss since the parking lot.

But, that one paled in comparison to this one. This one was soft, loving and full of building tension over the years.

The way it was supposed to be.

He was broken.

I pulled back and looked into his eyes which screamed 'help me!'

"I'm sorry." He apologized. "I was out of line. I made a mistake. I'm sorry."

I let out a little laugh and replied; "Hey. No, you didn't make a mistake. You were learning to let go."

He looked at the floor.

"Rick, look at me." I said and waited until he looked at me. "I love you, and I am not the stuck-up cop you think I am, and plus. I'm not supposed to be here today. So, let me take care of you, and I won't leave until you are ready. Alright?"

He nodded.

I quickly walked over to my desk and put on my coat before joining him again. Leaving the steaming cup of coffee on my desk that I had made just moments before.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own Castle… **

**Authors Note: This chapter is from Beckett's POV. **

We were sitting on the couch in his loft.

Alexis was at pages for the weekend and Martha was performing on Broadway. I was sitting beside him, my hand rubbing occasional circles on his back. He looked at me and broke down crying again and I was starting to wonder if I could help him at all.

Maybe I should call Alexis.

Maybe he needed her.

When he raised his head and looked at me, I could see the pain in his eyes. I pulled him into my arms and held him. He buried his head in my shoulder and mumbled; "I love you, Kate."

I froze when he caught me off guard, and by the way he looked up at me again, himself too. I could feel my breathing getting shallow and my heart starting to race. I looked down at him to see that he was staring at me.

Did he mean it?

"I know." I replied. "In a partner kind of way."

_Stupid comment, Kate! _I mentally beat myself up.

"No." He replied. His eyes soft and warm. "I _love_ you, Kate. I am _in love_ with you."

He placed both of his hands on each side of my head and pulled my face to his. I melted to him when I felt his soft, warm lips on mine. The taste was so comforting and familiar.

Unlike the night in the parking lot.

Not like the one earlier on today.

That was when I realized.

I loved him.

I had fallen in love with Richard Castle.

I pulled back and looked into his eyes before saying; "What about your new supermodel girlfriend. Emma?"

"She's not the one. She is not the one I want a future with. I love her, yeah. But, not like I love _you_ Kate."

Silence.

"Rick?"

"Yeah?" His voice broke, and I was sure that he felt like I was going to reject him. He looked sad; I could tell he was trying to distance himself.

"I love you, too." It rushed out of my mouth, I couldn't hold it back. His eyes went from staring almost through me and sharpened his gaze on mine once more, as he realized what I said. I sat there, looking at him while I thought about all of the times we got so close.

That was when I made my decision.

I practically knocked him over when I let my lips collide with his. He was shocked and it took him a few seconds to respond in the same passion that I had. Our tongues dueled as we both fought for control. I pulled back when I felt the overwhelming need to breath.

He trailed kisses down my jaw and my throat.

"Castle." I moaned. "We can't…"

"Oh, so it's Castle now." He said, stopping briefly to reply then continued. "I know this feels like I am cheating on my girlfriend with you." He paused. "But this, this doesn't feel like cheating. Being with her feels like I am cheating on you."

"Castle." I said sternly. Regretting what I was going to say next. "We _have_ to stop."

He nodded and pulled back.

It was silent between us, and I felt bad for shooting him down.

"It's getting late." I told him, motioning to the clock when I realized that it was almost eleven thirty. "You should go to bed."

He gave me a smug smile before saying; "I was hoping that my intentions were clear."

"Crystal." I replied. "I was just checking"

He helped me up and we walked upstairs hand in hand. When we reached his room, he went into his closet and got me a shirt and a pair of boxers. I removed my stilettos before putting them on. It nearly swallowed me whole, but it was _way_ more comfortable than was I was wearing before.

I watched as he shed himself of his clothing.

I smiled when I saw what I did to him as I climbed into his bed.

He climbed into bed next to me and laid on his side facing me. The sight of him bare-chested was _very_ tempting, especially since I knew that we would soon be together.

I took a deep breath.

The smell of his pillow had a scent. A familiar scent enveloping me, it was unique and _totally_ him.

I reached up to him and pulled him down to me. I kissed him and held onto him and said; "We'll get through this… We'll get through this _together_."

Then, we both fell into a deep sleep while holding each other close.


End file.
